I stand up and pace. My hand immediately goes into my hair and I squeeze my eyes shut. I try to remember the breathing exercises that Carlisle taught me all those weeks ago, the ones I've hardly had to use, because it seriously feels like a Mack truck just rammed into my chest, but it's not working.
Pressure spreads. I gasp for breath, struggling to get the oxygen I need. Starbursts of white explode behind my eyelids followed by flashes of red. Everything is muffled, like I'm underwater. I know Wayne, Carlisle, and Esme are saying my name, but if they're saying anything else, I can't decipher what it is. Every muscle in my body locks in place and I briefly wonder if this is what it feels like to be paralyzed.
Jesus Christ, I scream to myself as I try to get my body under control.
Thoughts of Bella and Peyton swim around in my head. I try to focus on their faces, try to hear Peyton's giggle and Bella's breathy voice when she tells me she loves me. Anything, everything I can concentrate on to keep the other dark, sinister thoughts from becoming any more concrete.
My fingers tingle and I can feel the blood start to flow again. A horrible, raspy sounds fills my ears and I look around to find the source only to realize a few seconds later the sound is coming from me.
Fuck.
Carefully, slowly, I open my eyes. I don't look to my left or right because I know when I do, the three of them will be looking at me. I don't want to see the worry or worse yet, the pity, I know I'll see. Instead I gaze at the trees and take a few deep breaths, letting the humid, salty air calm me down.
"Edward?" Carlisle asks quietly.
I shake my head, not ready to answer him yet.
An hour ago I didn't think I could be any happier. An hour ago I kissed Bella and told her I loved her. An hour ago, Peyton jumped into my arms and told me that we had a date the following day.
An hour ago I thought my past was truly in the past.
Until Wayne reminded me that it wasn't with just one word.
Aleksei.
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