The Breakers Chapter 7

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

Chapter 7

EPOV

"Hey, Edward, do you have a minute?" I turn and watch Carlisle approach.

Charlie cut us loose a little early today and after a brief conversation with Bella, I headed back to the boarding house. The talk was short because Peyton was going to the doctor and Bella was on her way out as I was walking into the restaurant. When I heard the word doctor I immediately thought the worst, which must have been plain as day on my face judging from the way Bella laughed at me.

Things between the two of us have relaxed at least tenfold since I chased her down in the parking lot last week. We haven't had much chance to talk except a brief, "Hi, how are you?" but at least that terrified look from before is gone. She's still guarded, still holding back, but we're becoming friends and I can't ask for anymore than that.

"What's up?" I ask Carlisle when he sits down beside me.

Most nights I find myself sitting in their backyard and that's where he finds me now. I'm so out of the loop when it comes to what's hot on TV, with music, too, that most of the time I'd much rather sit outside and read than anything else. I pay attention to ESPN of course, but that's just so I can keep up with Peyton ... little thing knows enough about sports to be the next Erin Andrews.

"It's a nice evening," he tells me as he relaxes in an Adirondack chair.

I feel something cold against my hand and smile in thanks when he hands me a beer.

"It is."

We don't say anything as we both enjoy our beers until finally he clears his throat. I glance at him and he looks so uncomfortable, I have to laugh at him. "Carlisle, whatever you need to tell me can't be that bad. Just say it already."

"I talked to Wayne earlier," he begins and then stops. He grimaces a bit and lets out a long breath. "I need to take you to Ellsworth to check in with your new parole officer. You ah ... " His mouth twists and then he takes another drink of his beer. "You need to take your drug test." The last part comes out strained and I can tell how uncomfortable this discussion is making him.

It's not really a picnic for me either, but I don't want to make this any harder on him than it needs to be. The whole idea of having to drive somewhere to piss in a damn cup while some dude watches my every move isn't anywhere close to my idea of a fun time, but it's a part of being a parolee. I don't have any choice but to go, of course, and it's a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

I shudder just thinking about it. Every day that goes by seems to let the nightmare of being behind bars fade a bit more. It will never go away; it's stupid to hope that it will, so I don't even try. All I can really hope for is that I can leave it all in the past.

"I'm sorry, Edward," Carlisle says quietly when I don't say anything for a few minutes.

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees and hold the beer bottle loosely in my hands. Staring out over their tree-covered backyard, the faint sounds of the ocean a quiet murmur in the background, I take a deep breath.

"Carlisle." I huff then hang my head. I stare at a spot between my feet, watching as a caterpillar crawls over a leaf and then slips between two blades of grass and disappears. Hidden, but not gone.

Kind of like me when I was in prison, hidden from the world, safely ensconced in cement and steel to keep me away from the unsuspecting citizens of the great state of Massachusetts, but still very much alive at the same time. Surviving- day by day, but not living. All for something I didn't do, because I was brought up to do the right thing, even when it was easier to do the wrong one. I lost my way for a time, after my grandmother died, and the people that found me ... well, person to be specific, didn't give a damn about right and wrong and he sure as hell didn't care about me.

I knew it all along, but when the cold, unyielding steel of the handcuffs rubbed my skin raw, it left no room for doubt. Coming face to face with the reality that you'd pretty much thrown your life away for someone who'd sooner use you than help you was one fucking bitter pill to swallow. In fact, over the past few weeks since I've been out of prison, that bitterness has slowly been eating away at me. I can feel it gnawing and worming its way through me, trying to take up residence in every part of me that has begun to move forward.

"What time do we have to leave?" I ask, still staring at the ground and not acknowledging his apology. It was an unnecessary one to begin with.

He stares at me for a moment. I know he has things he wants to say, questions he wants to ask, but he does neither, he simply says, "Tomorrow as soon as you're done at work. It's only to forty-five minutes to get there, so that should give us plenty of time."

"Yeah, okay."

I finish my beer, though honestly, it's lost its appeal. The comfortable silence that surrounded us before is completely gone now, replaced with the weight of so much unsaid.

"Edward, did Wayne ever tell you what I did for a living before Esme and I moved here?" His voice is hesitant, but it's mixed with something else … sadness … and not the 'that movie was so sad' kind either, but the kind that changes you irrevocably and stays with you forever.

I shake my head immediately because Wayne really said next to nothing about Carlisle and Esme before I came up here. Certainly not anything that coincides with the look of agony on Carlisle's face right now.

"I worked at Mass General as a psychologist. I specialized in addictions," he tells me though his voice has trailed off to barely more than a whisper at the end.

I turn to face him but he's staring at the trees. From the way his eyes are unfocused and the frown on his face, I can tell he's not really seeing at them at all. Instead he's a million miles away, or more likely years past, thinking about whatever it is that's caused him to stop doing something that obviously meant a great deal to him.

After another few moments he shakes his head and turns to me. His eyes are still burning with pain that I understand, at least to some degree because I see that same pain every morning when I look at myself in the mirror. It's not exactly the same, but on some unspoken level, I know that he understands me in a way I thought no one would.

"I don't want to overstep any bounds or imply anything, but if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm more than willing to listen," he says slowly, as if he didn't think those words would ever pass his lips again.

My first instinct is purely defensive, so I scoff immediately. "You mean like therapy or some shit?" My tone is insulting and I know I sound way more pissed off than I should, especially to someone who's gone so out of his way to help me.

"Edward," he begins and instantly I'm aware of his 'doctor' voice. "I don't mean therapy, or not therapy as you're imagining it at any rate. I just wanted you to know that if there are things you're dealing with … or not, as is more likely the case, and feel the need to talk to someone, I'm here. I won't impose and I can't force you, but you've had a hell of a lot happen to you, some I know about and more I'm sure I don't, and you're trying to adjust to a new life at the same time. It's bound to be overwhelming, it'd be for anyone, so if you want to talk, I'm more than willing to listen."

His words bounce around in my brain and even though everything inside of me wants to tell him to shove his well-meaning offer up his ass, I know I can't. The thoughts and memories that have been steadily plaguing me and making sleep an even more elusive reality are proof enough of that. To say that the thought of talking about everything, even with someone like Carlisle who I know only wants to help, makes my skin crawl but it's going to need to be done.

I wanted to start a new life when I arrived in Corea. I can't do that if the ghosts of my past still rule my life.

"Um … I think … yeah …" I sigh. "I think I might want to do that."

My answer pleases him which in turn makes the whole prospect of talking to him seem not quite so daunting. I still don't want to do it, but even I know it's necessary. "Good. That's real good, Edward," he says. "Anytime you're ready, just let me know."

He blows out a huge breath and I chuckle at him. "How long have you been thinking about bringing that subject up?"

I raise my eyebrow at him and watch as the tips of his ears get red as he runs a hand through his hair. "Hmmm, since before you got here," he tells me and watches as I digest that information.

Honestly, I'm not surprised by the truth, so I nod my head and let him off the hook. I could make him squirm, but he doesn't deserve it, not for trying to help.

The comfortable silence settles once again and the sun has pretty much had its last hoorah for the day by the time we're done. The sound of crickets fills the air and the slight breeze that blows across the yard carries the faintest hint of salt with it. All in all it's my favorite time of the day.

"Car, I ran out of tea bags, so I'm going to run to the store real quick while the rhubarb pie finishes baking. I'll be right back," Esme hollers from the back deck.

I'm out of my seat like a shot. "Esme, let me go for you. Why don't you and Carlisle enjoy the last of the sunset? That way you can keep an eye on my pie," I tell her with a wink.

The woman still makes me as flustered as the captain of the chess team asking the head cheerleader to prom, but the smile she graces me with is all worth it. For anyone else I'd probably never offer, but for her, yeah, I'm totally at her mercy.

She squeals and claps, which reminds me so much of Peyton it's not even funny, and gives me a peck on the cheek before throwing herself in Carlisle's lap. Seeing the two of them together can't help but give one hope that there really is such a thing as happily ever after.

I make sure to grab my phone in case there's something else Esme thinks of that she needs from the store and then I'm on my way. Riding down the tree-lined street, I can't help but wonder if my motorcycle makes too much noise. It seems loud to me, especially in the quaint neighborhood the boarding house is in, but seeing as how neither Carlisle nor Esme have said anything, I try not to worry about it.

The trip takes only a few minutes because, well, Corea is the size of a postage stamp and when I pull into the parking lot of the store, there's a huge, black Chevy Avalanche taking up two spaces. Ass. I hate guys that think their shit doesn't stink or their ride is more important than everyone else's so they need to park so no one can be next to them.

The store isn't big, but for Corea it is. The closest Wal-Mart is in Gouldsboro so the Booze & Bait stocks up on enough so that most needs are met. I take a few minutes, walking up and down the aisles seeing if anything catches my eye when suddenly I hear the voice that never fails to put a smile on my face. I didn't see Bella's Blazer in the parking lot so I wonder if they walked here. I follow the sound of Peyton's voice, listening as she's telling Bella what kind of ice cream is going to go best with dinner.

"Not that kind, this one. See, mint chocolate chip. It totally goes better with chicken strips and macaroni and cheese," Peyton says.

Ah, a girl after my own heart. Mint chocolate chip is my favorite.

"Mint chocolate chip goes better with everything," I say as I walk around the end of the aisle.

"Edward!" Before I'm even all the way clear of the shelves, Peyton has attached herself to my waist. "What are you doing here?"

I notice that she's with a man ... a very large, very bald, very muscular, and quite honestly scary-as-fuck-looking man. His skin is the color of coffee that's had a bit of milk added to it and he's wearing a black tank top and a pair of jeans. I have no idea who he is, but if looks could kill, I'd sure as shit be a dead man. I'm not sure at this point if I should introduce myself or not and just as I'm about to bite the bullet and try to speak, Peyton beats me to it.

"Xavier, aren't you going to say hi to Edward?" Her little hand's in mine and she's swinging them back and forth as she looks from me to him.

Needless to say, I know full well who Xavier is having heard Seth and Peyton talk about him so much. He looks nothing like I imagined he would because there's no way in hell I can picture the hulk of a man in front of me with Seth ... much less Bella.

"Edward," he says. He tries to keep his voice from sounding anything but friendly. He fails miserably, but thankfully Peyton doesn't pick up on it.

"It's nice to meet you," I tell him smirking just a bit because he hasn't introduced himself at all. If the asshole thinks he can intimidate me, he's got another fucking thing coming. Sure, he's a damn L.L. Cool J clone but that doesn't mean he can scare me off. Dude is delusional if he thinks that icy stare down while flexing his muscles is going to do anything but piss me the fuck off. I've seen way worse than him in my time.

Peyton starts chattering about her first two days of summer vacation and I try and keep up as best I can. I focus all of my attention on her, but I keep an eye on Xavier, too. When he looks at Peyton, he's all smiles, but when he looks my way, well, he's not. The whole time Peyton's ranting, I try to tell myself that he's Bella's best friend and Seth's boyfriend so there must be some redeeming qualities somewhere I'm just not seeing.

So far, I just think he's a prick.

"P," Xavier says once Peyton has stopped talking to take a much-needed breath. "Go get your mom some of those chips she likes and I'll meet you at the front counter."

"'Kay. Bye, Edward," she breezily tells me before she skips off, leaving the two of us alone.

I'm really tempted to walk off, especially when he just stares at me without saying a word, but before I can take a step he says, "I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing, but if you hurt that little girl, I will fucking end you."

I open my mouth to say something back but he keeps going before I have a chance. "Bella's been through enough. She doesn't need someone like you coming in and stirring shit up. Stay away from Bella and you'd sure as shit better stay away from Peyton."

I cross my arms and casually lean back against the shelves behind me. Inside I'm raging ... positively livid. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd ask him if he'd like to pee on the both of them to mark his territory, but as much as I hate to admit it, I can see where he's coming from ... kind of. His threats don't really scare me; I can handle him if I have to. I've handled way worse than him before and managed to come out fairly unscathed and intact, so I don't hold back because of that. I hold back because of Bella and Peyton. I'm not giving this motherfucker the satisfaction of proving his point for him.

"You know," I begin slowly, "it's not really up to you whether or not I spend time with Peyton." I watch as he curls his fingers into a fist and presses it against his freakishly large bicep. "Bella doesn't mind and I know Peyton doesn't, so until they tell me differently, I think things will continue on just as they have been."

His jaw flexes and I can hear him grind his teeth, but I don't move. "You just don't get it. You have no idea what she's been through," he tells me. I'm sure his voice was meant to come out hard and threatening, but instead it's laced with the worry and obvious love he has for both of them.

"Look, you don't know me. I get that you feel like you need to protect them from me, but I'm not here to hurt anybody. I needed a new start and this was the place I wanted to do it in. Charlie gave me a job, I have people that are slowly becoming friends and I'm just ... " I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "I just want to start over. I don't really care if you like me or you don't, but Bella's a grown woman and is capable of making up her own mind about me. As for Peyton," I stop and smile because I hear her sweet voice carrying through the store as she talks to Mr. Norris, "that little girl means more to me than anyone has in a long fucking time and I'd sooner let you kick my ass than hurt her."

The corner of his mouth lifts the tiniest bit before he narrows his eyes at me. "Yeah, well, hurt either one of them and I will kick your ass. Count on it."

I stare at him for a few long seconds. "Point taken," I tell him.

He turns to walk off and I can't help myself so I say, "I'll say hi to Seth for you."

He stops walking and I see his shoulders move and then he goes to find Peyton without looking back.

I take a deep and admittedly shaky breath.

That went better than I thought it would, but I know I haven't seen or heard the last of him.

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

"Jesus Christ, Masen, pull yourself together," I mutter as I stare at myself in the mirror. It's just a fucking bonfire.

Only it's not just any old bonfire. It's a bonfire with everyone … and that means especially … Bella.

When Emmett mentioned everyone getting together for a bonfire during work today, my insides tied themselves in a knot that progressively got worse during the day. Jasper and Emmett continued to talk about it and every word out of their mouths was like a punch in the gut. I tried not to let it affect me, but after dropping the bait for the third time, Emmett had finally had enough.

"What the hell's the matter with you today, Masen?" he'd asked with a scowl on his face.

Not wanting to answer him because whining that it wasn't nice to talk about things in front of people that weren't invited would make me sound like the world's biggest pussy, I'd muttered only, "nothing," and proceeded to spend the rest of the day in a stony silence.

By the time we'd docked and were done for the day, the only thing I could think of that I'd wanted to do was stop by the store on my way home, grab a six pack of beer - considering Esme, Carlisle, and Seth were all going to the bonfire I wasn't going to - and get drunk. I haven't been drunk since before I was arrested, but I was damn sure going to do it tonight because there wasn't going to be anyone around to stop me.

"See you tonight, Edward," Jasper called out as he climbed into his Z28.

I stood there, mouth hanging open, frozen still, until Emmett slapped me on the shoulder. "Ed?"

I blinked, repeatedly, so much that my vision blurred though when I could focus again, Emmett's face was full of worry. "Dude, are you okay?"

"Tonight?" I squeaked out and then cringed at the way I sounded.

Emmett laughed, a full, tip his head back and let go kind but then turned serious in a heartbeat. "Ah, man, I'm sorry. You thought you weren't invited, didn't you?"

I didn't want to answer that question, not at all, but when I hung my head it gave him all the answer he needed.

"You're one of us now," Emmett told me, "whether you like it or not. So go home, change your clothes, and we'll see you on the beach. Be ready to chow down, man, just saying."

He was gone before I could answer him, though my arm still ached from the not so light punch he gave it. I stared after him, not moving until after he got in his Jeep and peeled out of the parking lot.

One of us now … the words were hammering their way into my brain … and into my heart. I haven't been a part of anything in such a long time, well except as a member of the Massachusetts Department of Corrections. The fact that Emmett grouped me with the rest of them, like it was a no-brainer, was more than I could handle. I quickly got on my bike, hoping that I could outrun the sudden influx of emotions that were too much for me to deal with.

I spent about thirty minutes riding, long enough so that I could at least attempt to try to interact with the people that have all welcomed me so graciously … well, all except for the bald-headed, muscle-flexing, Hulk wannabe.

Shaking just a bit when I remember the way Xavier looked at me in the store the other night, I groan and say a quick prayer that he doesn't start any shit with me tonight … for my sake, and for everyone else's as well. A small part of me is a bit, okay a whole fucking lot, nervous about being around Bella and Xavier at the same time.

I finish brushing my teeth while trying to keep up a never-ending stream of positive thoughts about the night to come on a loop in my head. I hate that I'm so nervous, and I can't help but feel like tonight's some kind of test. It is, after all, my first try at this whole having friends and hanging out thing.

Dressing in a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt, I grab my cell phone, the one I'm required to have but never use, and head downstairs. Remembering how cool the nights can get at times, I run back to my room and grab a hoodie and then make my way to the kitchen to meet up with Carlisle and Esme.

"Edward," Esme looks up and says when she hears me approach. "I was just getting ready to call for you to see if you were ready. Seth's gone ahead to help Xavier get the firewood and I need some help carrying everything to the car."

I look at the island and my eyes grow big. Tinfoil-wrapped ears of corn and potatoes, enough to feed an army from the looks of it, cover the entire top. There's a huge plastic bag filled with what appears to be chocolate chip cookies, and beside that are bags of marshmallows and chocolate bars. S'mores, I think, and my mouth waters immediately. I haven't had a s'more … well, since the last summer my grandparents and I visited Corea. A wave of nostalgia hits me hard. I have to take a few deep breaths to keep myself under control.

One more deep breath and I know that a talk with Carlisle is in my future. My very near future. I feel like I'm fucking losing it almost on a daily basis now and hopefully he can help me.

Though right now's not the best time to have a panic attack.

"Are you riding with us?" Carlisle asks as he approaches the car ... after everything has conveniently been loaded.

It's on the tip of my tongue to say yes, but I shake my head no instead. I run my hand nervously through my hair and pretty much whisper, "I, uh … I'll take my bike." I want it there in case I need to make a break for it and when Carlisle catches my eye, he gives me a small nod. Damn dude knows exactly why I want it there.

The trip to the beach doesn't take anywhere near long enough because I'm more nervous by the time we get there than I was when we left. I see Charlie's truck, Emmett's Jeep … and Bella's beast of a Blazer. My stomach reacts immediately as does my dick when I think about seeing her. It's been a few days since I've seen her, other than a quick wave here and there. I've missed her, which comes as a shock, even though I suppose it shouldn't. Even though we've really only had a few talks that have been more than some casual conversation, I find myself craving any sort of interaction with her.

Navigating the fine line of getting to know her while not telling her too much of my past always leaves me feeling like I'm walking a tightrope with no net beneath me, but it is what it is for the time being.

Once I park my bike, I help Esme carry the food toward the beach all the while telling myself to chill the fuck out and just try to have fun. I have a chance to act like a normal twenty-seven year-old guy for a change, hanging out with some friends, and I want to enjoy it as much as I can.

My eyes immediately search for Bella as soon as we crest a dune but before I have time to look, I hear, "Edward!" in my favorite voice.

Peyton's arms are around my waist and it's only because Carlisle grabs the bags out of my hands that I don't bust my ass.

"Wow, that's some hello," I tell her when she looks up at me.

For a second I'm speechless. This little girl has so totally put me under her spell I swear she could tell me to start belting out Lady Gaga songs and I would, in heartbeat, just to keep that beautiful smile on her face.

"I've been waiting forever for you to get here." She pouts and stretches out the forever to emphasize her point.

I laugh at her and when she slips her hand in mine and starts dragging me down the beach, I follow willingly.

"Peyton," I hear and my heart skips a beat.

Bella.

I take a deep breath and turn around, knowing that the moment I see her, I'm really going to wish I'd chosen a different pair of jeans to wear. As soon as I do, I know I should've worn different ones.

Christ Almighty, the woman is really trying to kill me. She has to be. Tiny denim shorts that show off too much skin for me to have any hope of being the slightest bit comfortable at all tonight. A black t-shirt that doesn't show off enough because her chest is completely covered. Her hair is up in a ponytail and for the first time, I notice a glimpse of shiny silver at the top of her ear. Holy fucking hell. I immediately want to feel the metal on my tongue. I shiver just thinking about it and try to clear my throat, which has begun to feel painfully dry. She takes a step forward and I glance down at her feet.

Chuckling, I meet her eyes. "Lime green, interesting choice. Yours or Peyton's?" I tease because they both have the same color on their toenails.

Bella rolls her eyes at me and though dusk has settled around us, I can still see the faintest hint of pink on her cheeks.

Sexy as all get out.

"Look, Edward," Peyton says as she tugs on my hand. I look down and her little foot is wiggling so she can show me her toes. I don't know the first damn thing about the in's and outs of nail polishing besides the fact that lime green has just become my new favorite color. "Mom and I painted them this morning. Aren't they pretty?"

I grin, feeling like the world's biggest sap, but really not minding all that much, and nod my head. "Very. Did you paint them or did your mom do it for you?"

She huffs and the most adorable little scowl appears on her face. "Mom did. I can't ever get it to come out right."

I snort and chance another look at Bella. She's smiling at her daughter and happily it stays in place when she looks at me. "Well, toenail polishing and hair brushing aren't really Peyton's favorite things. Though, if you need to know what Tom Brady's quarterback rating is, she's your girl." She flashes me a quick wink, one that goes straight to my dick, before turning toward Peyton. "And just where do you think you're running off to without telling me, hmmm?"

"Sorry, Mom," Peyton mumbles and I feel bad that she was so happy to see me she forgot to tell Bella where we were going. Of course, inside I might be giving myself a fist bump because she is so excited to see me. "Can I show Edward my secret treasure?"

Bella gasps and when I look at her, she's looking back and forth between me and Peyton with the strangest look on her face, like she can't possibly believe Peyton just asked that question. Not having any idea what Peyton is talking about or why Bella looks the way she does, I start to open my mouth, but before I can say anything Bella nods her head.

"Come on, Edward," Peyton squeals and pulls me, stumbling, down the beach.

I chance one more quick look at Bella, who hasn't moved yet. I see the saddest, but utterly beautiful smile grace her lips. She looks up, gives me a little wave, then turns around.

Peyton's chattering so fast I can't even keep up with what she's saying. All I hear is snippets … can't tell … our secret … only you … and she keeps pulling me toward a jetty.

She squeals again and then lets go of my hand. Faster than should be possible, she climbs up the rocks only to scramble back down the other side. I don't even have time to tell her to be careful before she pops her head up and says, "Here, Edward. Come look."

She's waving with her little hands and bouncing on her feet and I laugh so hard it almost makes my stomach hurt. I don't move with the grace and speed she does, but I manage to make it over without falling face first into the rocks. I barely have time to put my feet on the ground before she's pushing me down on a rock, one which is wet and seeps immediately through my jeans, and crawls into my lap carrying a beat-up tin box.

Her mood changes in the blink of an eye and I realize that whatever she's about to show me means a great deal to her. I wrap my arm around her, holding her close, and when she wiggles to get even closer, I do what I wanted to the first time I saw her. Leaning my head down, I kiss the top of her head, leaving my lips there for an extra few seconds. In that instant, it feels like we're the only two people for miles and miles. The moment is so precious that I want to wrap it up and keep it in my pocket forever.

How do you thank a child, who with each passing day I'm convinced is the most amazing one ever, for making you feel ... human again? For making you feel alive and worthy? For seeing you for who you want to be instead of who people assume you to be? For making you feel important and wanted? I'll never truly be able to make her understand, mostly because I don't understand it myself, but I can't deny what Peyton makes me feel. The fact that she does it just by being herself means even more. No agenda. No hidden meaning. Just Peyton being Peyton.

She moves a little bit so she can balance on my leg and then very slowly and carefully, takes the lid off her box. I lose my breath for a second when I look down, only because there are so many colors and shapes that my eyes can't keep up with what I'm seeing.

Sea glass in every color imaginable, big shells, small shells, flat rocks, starfish, and even two sand dollars fill her box. Little things really, but it's obvious they mean a great deal to Peyton and because they do, I listen in rapt attention as she shows me her most favorite pieces of treasure. I have no idea how long we sit there. My legs have lost all sense of feeling. My jeans are soaked from my ass down to my calves but I've loved every minute of it and pout like she does when we hear Bella call her name, popping our little Peyton/Edward bubble.

She reaches in her box and gently takes out a sand dollar and piece of bluish-green sea glass and very carefully puts the lid back on to stow the box back beneath the rocks. It's obvious she's kept it hidden for a long time, but I can't help but worry about someone finding and taking it. I briefly consider standing guard over her little treasure box because I know if anything were to happen to it, she'd be devastated.

I'm about to ask her what she's planning on doing with the sand dollar and piece of glass when she says, "Hold out your hands and close your eyes."

Obediently, because whatever Peyton wants, Peyton gets, I do as she asks. I hold both my hands out, palms up and close my eyes. I hear her giggle and then feel as she drops something into them, though I keep my eyes closed until she tells me I can open them.

"Open," she whispers in a sweet, shaky voice.

When I look down at my hands, I swear I want to cry when I spy the sand dollar and sea glass in each of my hands. I want to tell her she shouldn't have, but I won't because I wouldn't mean it. The fact that she's giving me something so special to her makes it the best present anyone has ever given me.

"Do you like them?" Her hands are behind her back and her face is so expectant that I don't even think before I act.

Kneeling down, I wrap my arms around her and kiss the side of her head. "I love them, sweetheart. Thank you so much."

She giggles and then steps back enough to grab my face in both her hands. "Now when you go out with Pop and Uncle Em and Jasper you can take this with you for good luck," she says when she points to the sea glass. "And at night, if you can't sleep, you can look at this," she says when she points to the sand dollar, "and think about me."

I'm so choked up, I can't talk. All I can do is nod my head. I have to take a deep breath before I can say, "Thank you, Peyton. This is the best present anyone's ever given me."

"You're my best friend, Edward. I'm supposed to give you presents," she says and shrugs her shoulders like it's the simplest concept in the world.

Bella calls for us again and we both stand up.

"Hop on," I tell her turning around and squatting down so she can get on my back.

She does that adorable giggle/squeal combo again and hops on and immediately starts talking about what we're getting ready to eat. By the time we get back to where everyone's set up, I'm so hungry I could eat the ass end of a monkey.

Charlie calls for Peyton so I let her down. She leans in and says, "Thanks." She kisses me on the cheek, scampering off and leaving me looking like a lovesick fool.

Which come to think of it, I am. Totally and completely in love with a little sprite that turns me into a big pile of mush.

"Whatcha got there?" Bella asks and steps closer.

I open my hands, holding them flat and watch her eyes grow wide then fill with tears when she recognizes what Peyton's given me.

"Bella?" I question and my heart, stomach, and brain are all fighting one another when I see the tears spill from her eyes and fall down her cheeks.

Feeling totally helpless, my stomach lurches when I see a drop fall from the tip of her chin. I can sense that there's some deeper meaning to what Peyton's done, but I don't have any idea what it could be.

She sniffs then waves her hand around for a second before she takes a deep breath and stares into my eyes. "You're so good for her," she whispers in a voice filled with confusion and awe.

My heart slams against my chest at her words. Of course my first thought is she's got that completely backward because Peyton is the one that's good for me but before I can say that, Bella's turned away from me to head back. Without thinking, I reach out and grab her hand. I don't want her upset with me; I don't want her upset period. When she sees my hand on hers, she sighs then looks at me.

"Are you okay?" I ask, because it's the only thing I can think to say.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It's just ... this is all so ..." She huffs then shakes her head. "I'm fine, really," she says then grins when she sees the scowl on my face. "I just got caught off-guard for a minute, that's all."

I'm confused by what she's said but I don't push. I don't want to upset her if I can help it, and I get the feeling that now's not the right time to talk in the first place. When we hear Emmett's loud laugh boom through the air, she obviously comes to the same conclusion because she says, "We'll talk later, okay?"

She squeezes my hand briefly before pulling hers away and then we walk back toward the fire together. I can feel someone's eyes burning a hole in the back of my head and I know whose they are, but I turn anyway. Sure enough, Xavier's trying to melt me where I stand. I can't help but chuckle when Seth elbows him in the stomach and gives him a look that clearly means to knock it off.

I don't have time to dwell on it though, because Esme's shoved a plate piled high with food into my hands. Lobster, clams, corn, potatoes and my mouth waters. She pushes me down on a rock between Alice and Rose and we all dig in. Conversation flows easily and I'm shocked at how comfortable I feel around all these people. Alice and Rose keep up a steady stream of questions, and Renée adds in a few of her own. Most are about Boston and my grandparents and they're easy to answer. I ask a few of my own, just to try to get to know everyone better and I laugh at some of the stories they tell me about Emmett, Jasper, and Charlie. I hear a few about Bella when she was younger and of course plenty about Peyton.

There are other groups of people doing the same thing as we are and I notice some of the guys that work on the other boats as they walk past. Everyone is friendly, shouting hellos and wishes for a nice weekend. I'm suddenly taken aback at just how much I feel at home here.

By the time everyone is done with dinner, I'm relaxed and completely enjoying myself. Xavier keeps shooting me dirty looks but I ignore those as best I can. I can't help that he has a problem with me. I wish it wasn't the case because all in all everyone has welcomed me with open arms, but I can't make him like me.

Bella has spent dinner with Xavier, Seth, and Peyton. Every time I hear her laugh mix with the smoke that billows from the bonfire, I get that nervous, shaky feeling inside. I've caught her staring at me, mostly because I keep staring at her across the fire. The firelight bounces off her hair and her eyes, and the heat has made her cheeks pink … though I'd like to think I have something to do with that, too. The next time our eyes meet, she bites her bottom lip and I think I probably have a lot to do with it.

The thought makes me extraordinarily happy.

"Nana, is it time for s'mores yet?" Peyton asks and I hear Renée laugh.

"Sure thing, baby. Help me get the marshmallows," Renée tells her and Peyton whoops before jumping up.

"Hell yeah," Emmett says and everyone laughs. How the man can possibly think about eating anything else after the massive amounts of food we've all just consumed I have no idea.

A short while later I find myself in the middle of a conversation with Charlie, Carlisle, and Jasper when a movement catches my eye. Bella is walking toward a secluded part of the beach.

"Here, dear. Why don't you go talk to her?" Esme tells more than asks as she hands me two freshly made s'mores.

I hesitate.

"Go," she says. "It'll be fine, trust me."

This time I don't hesitate because I really wanted to go after her in the first place. By the time I find her, she's sitting on a rock that's on the back edge of the beach, staring out over the water. When she hears me approach, she turns and rolls her eyes just a bit at me, but I can tell she's not too annoyed when she scoots over to make room for me beside her.

"You left without dessert," I tell her when I sit down.

"Hmmm," is all she says and I set the napkin holding the s'more on her lap. Neither one of us say anything for the longest time until suddenly she breaks the silence. "You know, I've lived in Corea my whole life, been around the water every day, and I haven't been on or in it in more than seven years."

Her words ... floor me, leave me completely speechless. I don't even know what to make of that, and the ability to form any sort of response has pretty much checked the fuck out.

I swallow past my tongue that seems to have grown to the size of my fist. "Bella," I force out. "I ... I mean I don't ..."

She laughs, but it's not the kind that leaves me wanting to hear more, instead it settles like a huge weight in my stomach. "Edward, it's okay. I mean it's not, but I shouldn't have just said that like I did."

She sighs and then turns to face me. The wind has picked up enough to blow the pieces of her hair that have fallen out of her ponytail around her face and when she pushes it back behind her ear, I find myself staring at the little earring in the top of her ear. For some reason, the fact that she has her ear pierced in that spot turns me the fuck on.

"You must think I'm such a flake," she says quietly. Her eyes flit over my face just waiting for me to give her the slightest indication that I agree with her.

I don't move.

"Well, I'll admit to thinking you wanted me to take a long walk off a short pier, but I definitely don't think you're a flake," I tell her. I want to add that I think she's amazing and beautiful and the best mom I've ever seen and whole slew of other things but then she'd think I'm a flake, and I sure as hell don't want that.

"God, I'm so sorry." She snorts and then there's that blush that drives me absolutely insane. "Besides, how could I live with myself if I took away Peyton's best friend?"

I can't help but chuckle at that. She's quiet for a time and has turned back toward the water. The moon reflects off the water and casts the most ethereal glow on her face. My fingers twitch from wanting to run them down her cheek, along her neck, through her hair.

"I was going to make her stay away from you," she admits.

Every ounce of breath I have leaves my body in an instant and I literally feel like I'm going to be sick. It's not as if her confession is really a huge shock considering I had thought the same thing, but to hear it straight from her hurts so much worse than I ever imagined.

"You scare me."

Her words immediately bring forth every feeling of self-loathing and anguish I have. I want to scream, or cry, or run … most likely in that order.

She must feel the fact that every muscle in my body is trembling as I'm about two seconds from bolting because she puts her hand on my arm. Warmth unlike anything I've ever felt before shoots up my arm and spreads through my body like ink that's been dropped into a bowl of water. Slow and steady, it spreads everywhere.

"Please don't hurt her," she whispers so softly I barely hear her. Her voice shakes and I want to wrap my arm around her and pull her close to me, but I don't move. I can't. Bella's hand is still on my arm and I swear it feels like if she moves it, I'll fucking lose it.

"Bella," I finally manage to say. "I know you don't know me and have absolutely no reason to trust me, but I swear to you I'd never do anything to hurt Peyton. She's the most incredible person I've ever met. I don't care that she's only seven." Bella's eyes are searching my face and then she looks directly into my eyes. I hope she can see how much I mean what I've just said. Taking a deep breath, I hold her gaze. "She makes me feel ... worthy," I trail off, unable to keep our eyes connected. I close my mouth and shake my head, knowing if I say anything else, I'll scare her and there is no way in hell I want to do that.

"I've never seen her act with anyone the way she does with you." She takes a deep breath and takes her hand away, leaving a burst of cold in her wake.

Wanting, needing to lighten the mood because if I don't, I'm liable to go mad, I say, "Well, that's because I'm pretty damn awesome. Who can resist the Masen charm?" I bump her shoulder with mine and when I hear her giggle, my heart feels a thousand pounds lighter. There are feelings boiling beneath the surface that I know I need to deal with, but not right now.

"Apparently me because I ran away like a damn fool the first two times I saw you." She blushes again and I wink at her when she looks at me.

"I'm really sorry about that, you know," she tells me, picking at her s'more. She pops a piece in her mouth and when she flicks her tongue out over a spot of melted chocolate on her lip, it's all I can do not to groan.

So fucking sexy and she has no clue.

"It's just been me and Peyton for so long that I tend to be a little protective."

I snort.

"Okay, a lot protective."

She rolls her eyes then she starts talking, just rambling mostly, about little things. She tells me about a family that went into the restaurant that let their little boy run all over the place, taking all the salt and pepper shakers off each table and putting them all on one. Every time Alice tried to put them where they belonged, the boy just took them back.

I tell her about trying to get the rubber bands on the lobster claws for the first time and it slipping off and nailing Jasper right on the end of his nose. Through it all my index finger is making a continuous pattern of circles on her elbow. I tense the moment I touch her but it's such a natural action, I can't help myself. Bella even relaxes her arm so that from her shoulder to her elbow is pressed tightly against mine, not to mention her leg is right up against me, too. She doesn't even notice, or if she does, she obviously doesn't mind, so I keep going, wishing we could stay like this for hours.

Of course my fantasy comes to a screeching halt when Charlie calls her name. She makes that little squeak-groan sound again when she looks down at my finger, but I keep it where it is, even though I've stopped moving it.

"I guess we better go back," she says and she sounds as reluctant to leave as I am.

I like that.

I like it a whole fucking lot.

We both stand and then laugh when we look at each other. "I'm sorry you didn't get to eat your dessert," she says when she sees my uneaten s'more on the rock where I left it.

I shrug, knowing I'd pass up eating the gooey mess any day of the week if I got to spend time with her instead.

"How about you," she starts then clears her throat. My stomach clenches and inside I'm bouncing up and down going please, please ask me what I think you're going to. "Why don't you come over on Sunday and have dinner with me and Peyton? I'll make sure you have dessert; I'll even give you double."

Holy shit.

I smile, and though I want to try to seem cool and smooth, I know I look like a fucking idiot. I don't give a shit. Bella just asked me to come to dinner. Like a date.

A date with Bella.

Inside my heart is racing and I force myself not to dwell on the fact that it's the first date I've had with anyone ... ever.

"That would be ... yeah, I'd love to."

Fuck, now I'm the one blushing. I can feel it creeping up my neck and onto the tips of my ears.

She blows out a shaky breath and I kind of love the fact she's as nervous as I am. "About five? That way you can hang out with Peyton for a bit before dinner, you know, because you're best friends and all."

I laugh, though it dies almost immediately because Bella wraps her arms around my waist. Mine instantly curl around her and for a second neither us breathe. Hell, neither of us move. I know intuitively she didn't mean to hug me, but she obviously doesn't mind enough to stop. It's not like I'm going to suggest it either. She could stay there forever and it would be all right with me. Because I can't help myself, I lower my head, and the moment my nose touches her hair, I inhale deeply. Salt, citrus, and the smoke from the bonfire fill my senses and I know when I get home, I'll still be able to smell her. Her fingers twist my t-shirt and I smile. I can feel her heart race against my chest, though I'm sure mine feels the same. Slowly, so fucking slowly I think I might die or explode, my lips slide down her hair, over her ear, and come to rest on her cheek. I leave them there, feeling the silky smoothness of her skin, until I'm afraid I'll throw her down on the ground.

"I can't wait until Sunday. Thank you for asking me."

She shivers and I know for a fact it's not because she's cold, especially when I feel the heat of her blush against my mouth.

I kiss her cheek one more time before I have to let her go. When she steps back, she looks a bit dazed and there's no way in hell I can stop the smug smirk that spreads across my face.

She rolls her eyes, a trait that I'm learning to appreciate more and more, which is good as she does it so often, and then we both start walking back toward the others. I see Peyton sound asleep in Xavier's arms and as much as I kind of fucking hate it, it's incredibly sweet to see. Bella turns to me and smiles, whispering, "I'll see you Sunday."

I watch her walk away and wonder how in the hell these two girls have managed to turn me into such a damn sap.

I'm not sure I mind all that much.

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

I think about both of them the whole way back to the boarding house. Carlisle and Esme are going to The Breakers with Charlie and Renée. Seth, well, the way he and Xavier were looking at each other all night, I know exactly where and what they're doing. My bike rumbles as I slow down to turn into the driveway and I park; the silence when I cut off the engine is so abrupt it takes me by surprise. It's more like the fact I've been so lost in thought about Bella, I've nearly forgotten about everything else.

The way her hair glowed in the moonlight.

The way the firelight danced in her eyes.

The heat from her touch.

The feel of her hard nipples against my chest.

The silkiness of her skin beneath my lips.

My dick swells as I walk into the quiet house. Realizing that there is no one home but me, a first I think with a start, I palm my throbbing erection as I head for the shower. Thoughts and visions of Bella are swirling through my mind faster than I can keep up with them. Some are real, most are not. Just my imagination running away from me mixed with the remembrance of the way she looks, smells ... feels. The pull to her is undeniable. It's more than the fact that she's a beautiful woman and I haven't had sex in over seven years. It's more than the fact that she's Peyton's mom, though there is no denying how much the two for one special they are makes her even more appealing. No, the pull is simply Bella. Strong, fierce, independent, struggling, scared, heartbroken, gorgeous, sexy Bella.

I'm up the stairs and in my bathroom, my body obviously leading my head. My palm still rests on my cock, though now it's painfully hard. With one hand, I turn on the faucets, making the water as hot as I can. Once I'm naked, I stand beneath the hot spray and close my eyes and give into the feelings I've been trying to fight from the moment I saw her.

Long dark hair. Skin that smells like salt and citrus. A mouth with a bottom lip slightly bigger than the top. A neck pulled taut just begging to be licked and nibbled on. Legs that could wrap around my waist, holding me to her in just the right way. An ass that just begs for my fingers to knead and squeeze. A breathless voice that calls out my name.

My fingers wrap around my cock, stroking up and down in firm, slow movements. My thumb swipes at the drop that seeps from the end and then down, coating me. It's not enough, so almost desperately I squirt some shower gel in the palm of my hand and sigh in relief when my fingers glide with no resistance.

In my mind I can hear her breathing pick up, hear a catch in her throat and I know it's exactly how she'll sound. I imagine how she'd taste when my tongue pressed its way into her mouth - sweet and tangy. I imagine feeling the rough skin of her nipples as I roll first one then the other between my fingers only to follow with my mouth, licking and sucking … gorging myself on every inch of her skin. In my mind when my hand dips between her legs, sliding through her soft curls to find her slick and hot, she moans low and deep. When my finger pushes inside of her, her mouth opens and out would come only the faintest of whispers, just my name over and over like a plea or a demand for more. I'd give it to her willingly.

I imagine laying her beneath me, hair fanned out over my pillow, eyes shining with want and need, her body open and accepting, aching for me. Guiding my cock into her, I imagine plunging into her wet heat, feeling her completely surround me. Her name falls from my mouth like a prayer. Mine escapes hers on a desperate sob. Fingers grab and pull, lips search for points of pleasure, tongues fight for dominance but taste with reverence, eyes say what words can't, bodies that know how to move to give and get the most pleasure until the ecstasy is so great that we both release, first her, then me, in wave after wave of pure bliss.

My legs tense as I explode in a powerful torrent. I continue pumping, savoring every last moment of my fantasy.

"Fuck," I mutter, banging a fist against the tiled shower. The sound echoes with my panting as I try to catch my breath from the most intense orgasm I've ever experienced.

Minutes later I'm laying in bed, naked, covered with only a light sheet. My heart hasn't stopped racing. I try to tell myself that it's from coming harder than I ever have in my life but I know that's not why.

It's because sooner or later I'm going to have to tell Bella my past. When I do, I'm afraid it will take away my future.

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~